Military and Civilian Families Tackling Tough Times Together - Part 3

Photo by Wokandapix from Pixabay

I continue working with Purdue University's College of Health and Human Resources on their initiative called "Families Tackling Tough Times Together."  Grounded in Dr. Froma Walsh's model of family resilience, the initiative is creating a series of weekly activities and resources (even recipes!) - with each week focused on one specific aspect of Walsh's model.  As part of the initiative, I am interviewing both military and civilian families about how they have gotten through difficult life experiences and how the lessons learned are relevant for many of us facing challenges and uncertainties associated with the COVID-19 pandemic.

In this third interview in the series, I talk with retired Brigadier General Marianne Watson. Before retiring in 2013, General Watson served 30 years in the Army National Guard, rising to the position of Director of Manpower and Personnel (J1) at the National Guard Bureau in Arlington, VA - where she oversaw programming that supported nearly half a million Guard members as well as their families.  Based on her personal and professional experience, General Watson has important expertise to share about family resilience during tough times.

In our interview, General Watson talks about the role that being able to express emotions openly for individual and family resilience. It is important to say at at the outset that being "open" does not mean saying anything and everything that comes into your head.  Communication scholars have documented how Americans tend to equate being "open" with "good" communication even though the story isn't that simple.  Dr. Walsh emphasizes the importance of sharing painful feelings with others who are likely to understand, as well as also sharing positive feelings and finding humor amid difficult circumstances and respecting individuals needs and differences. These suggestions cohere with advice from communication scholars to balance openness with people's needs for privacy and discretion.  Having said this, avoiding talking about topics during tough times - under most (though not all) conditions - is associated with lower relationship and family satisfaction.

General Watson reinforces the importance of open emotional expression for family resilience at two places in our interview. First, when I ask her to describe a difficult life situation and how she got through it, General Watson talks about how her spouse (also a military officer) took his life shortly before she retired - and more generally why service members often are reluctant to talk openly about behavioral health issues (e.g., stigma) and how the military is attempting to recast doing so as a leadership skill.  This portion of her interview corresponds with some of my own research, where spouses and parents report that military culture (with it's emphasis on strength and self-sacrifice) can reinforce the notion that mental health issues are a sign of weakness for service members, and recommend trying to reframe seeking help (and talking about it) as a sign of strength.

Second, General Watson recommends that during the current COVID-19 pandemic, parents share their own uncertainties and frustrations (in age appropriate ways) with their children while also listening to and validating their children's concerns. Her advice nicely illustrates how open emotional expression can be critical for helping create resilience in our families during tough times.